What have you seen or heard in this person that is causing you to be concerned? Are they isolating themselves? Has their personality changed insofar as they have become more withdrawn, or their performance in school or work has changed? Are they talking about death and say that they see no point in life? Have they said that they believe their family or friends would be better off without them?
If any of this is true, you need to find out if this person is contemplating taking their life by asking the question directly: “Are you suicidal?”
Don’t be afraid to ask this – what’s the worst thing that can happen? They will either say “No” (and possibly “Are you for real??”), or they will say “Yes”. We have discovered at Pieta House that people, in fact, are relieved that they are asked this question. At last it’s out in the open – they can share their fears.
If they say “No”: You need to say that you have been concerned about them because they have behaved in such a way...... Ask them if you can help them in any way. Maybe they are depressed – they have lost their job, come out of a broken relationship, failed exams – what they need now more than anything is to know that someone cares and is offering support.
If they say “Yes”: It is understandable that you would feel great fear and not know what to do next. But it’s very simple: you tell them that you are going to get help for them and you will help them get through this crisis. It is very important that you realise that this person’s life – although they have opened up to you – is not your responsibility. However, it is your responsibility to find the appropriate help for them. This includes involving other friends or family, because this person needs an Army of Support for the next while, and it is too heavy a burden for you to carry by yourself. If the person begs you not to tell anyone, you must try to encourage them to open up to other people. If they can’t do that, ask them to allow you to do this. You must tell the people who are involved with this person, so that there is an onslaught of care and concern. Your next step is to contact Pieta House.
